As I announced last week, we’re starting a new fast food eating tour here at MBIP and I’m going to eat and rate every fast food chicken sandwich out there.
In case you’re unaware of this, there’s been a fast food chicken war going on for the last couple of years. This article details the history and what happened, but basically it all started when Popeye’s Chicken launched a new chicken sandwich.
Chick-fil-A, put out a somewhat tongue-in-cheek Tweet saying they were the original chicken sandwich and the war had begun!
Soon all of the fast food restaurants were adding chicken sandwiches to their menus in an attempt to cash in on this clucked up fad.
Well, I’ve decided that I’m going to become the Chicken Sandwich War Correspondent here on MBIP!
I’m going to sample every chicken sandwich from every fast food restaurant in Peoria and I’m going to decide which is the best, which is the worst and all of the others will be ranked on an on-going weekly updated chart.
I thought we’d begin at the place where I had my first fast food sandwich: McDonald’s!
They debuted the McChicken sandwich in 1980, so let’s get a little nostalgic and go to the Golden Arches and get this week’s chicken sandwiches. Cluck yeah!
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McDonald’s
Okay, here we are back in the MBIP World Headquarters Kitchen and Dining Area with our bag of McDonald’s chicken sandwiches.
I have no idea what the “Saweetie Meal” means…I suppose I could Google it…but…nah, let’s just keep moving along here.
Here’s the three chicken sandwiches that McDonald’s offers.
They have a Crispy Chicken Sandwich, a Spicy Crispy Chicken Sandwich and the original McChicken Sandwich.
Let’s start off with the one that kicked it all off, the…
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McChicken
This is the first fast food chicken sandwich I can remember eating. It’s not that impressive looking and I have no memory of what it tasted like back in the day.
It’s topped off with mayonnaise and lettuce.
I’m not a big fan of mayonnaise because it looks like the aftermath of Pee Wee Herman taking the sandwich to a movie theater in the afternoon.
And yes, I’m proud of the fact that I’m still making Pee Wee Herman masturbation jokes decades after the fact.
This was a tasteless sandwich. It was like eating a bun that housed nothing. If Seinfeld were a sandwich that Pee Wee Herman jerked off to, it would be this sandwich.
And now I’m starting to feel a little sick, so let’s just keep moving along here.
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Crispy Chicken
This is McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Sandwich that they launched this year to do battle in the Chicken Sandwich Wars.
As you can see, the sandwich comes with two pickles andI have to say I’m impressed with the placement of them on the bun. Perfect symmetry!
This sandwich is really dry and could use some sort of sauce. If Pee Wee Herman were here I’d be tempted to ask him to jerk off on it to give it a little moisture.
It’s bigger and crispier than the McChicken sandwich, but it’s also void of any kind of flavor. It defines the word, “bland.”
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Spicy Crispy Chicken
Okay, on to the third sandwich, The Spicy Crispy Chicken Sandwich.
I should note that there’s a deluxe version of this sandwich I’m not trying, because it’s the same sandwich but they just add lettuce and tomato. That’s not enough of a variation for me, so we’ll be skipping the deluxe versions unless they add cheese or something that changes the flavor of the sandwich.
This comes with pickles and an orange colored sauce that makes me think of Donald Trump jerking off on this sandwich. Orange you glad I thought of that?
This is the same tasteless experience as the Crispy Chicken Sandwich except for the Donald Trump Jerk-Off Sauce. And that sauce doesn’t really have a lot of flavor, just a little bit of heat.
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The Weekly Chicken Sandwich Rating Chart
I can’t recommend any of these chicken sandwiches. They were all bland and made me obsess over Pee Wee Herman and Donald Trump masturbating on chicken sandwiches.
I think I need to find my therapist from the ‘80’s.
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Weekly Random Chicken Gif
This week’s random chicken gif. Just for the cluck of it.
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