Time for week number three of our journey of eating every stinking item on the menu at Panda Express. This week we finish off The Sides Menu and then we move on to the Entrees, which I’m looking forward to sampling.
But now, let’s see if three’s a charm as we head to the Panda drive-through window!
This week we’re going to polish off the Sides Menu and sample the Fried Rice and the Super Greens.
This shouldn’t prove too exciting, but at least we’ll get it out of the way.
Wow, for the third week in a row, there’s no one at the drive-through and we can coast right on in!
Note the obligatory rear-view mirror reflection of me taking this photo. I love it when that happens!
Okay, this sucks. I ordered, drove up to the window and they said I had to drive to the other side and wait here.
I’ve been here over four minutes and they’re not living up to the “Express” part of their name right now.
Finally I got my fucking order. I don’t like being on the other side so let’s get the fuck out of here.
I hate this fucking light! It’s always red and it takes forever to change to green.
Hate it…HATE HATE HATE IT!
Alright, after a somewhat troubled trip, we’re back at MBIP World Headquarters and Kitchen Tasting Area to sample this week’s Panda Express side items.
I have to admit feeling somewhat troubled, but I’ll try to reign myself back in and be a professional here.
Yet another thing that sucks about today is that I forgot to ask for hot mustard and soy sauce and they didn’t put any in the bag. You’d think they’d put complimentary soy sauce with every order, but no!
So far this whole episode seems to be somewhat jinxed. Ugh.
The total for today’s sides in $7.10, which is weird because that’s exactly what last week’s total was.
Holy shitballs, this looks just like last week’s order, have we entered some sort of weird back in time zone?
If we open the lids and there’s Chow Mein and Steamed White Rice, I’m hiding under the bed!
Whew, it’s this week’s order, okay, let’s just keep moving forward here!
First Bites
Fried Rice: Since we were limited on the condiments I just added one pack of Soy Sauce to each of these. The Fried Rice tasted almost exactly like the Steamed White Rice from last week. All I could taste was the faint amount of soy sauce I added. This is really a bland version of fried rice.
Super Greens: Broccoli, kale and cabbage. That says it all. It ain’t easy being green and it’s even less easy eating it.
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Panda Rating (One To Four, Four The Best, One The Worst.
Fried Rice: One and a half pandas. Really bland and disappointing.
Super Greens: Broccoli, kale and cabbage = one half of a panda.
Well, we’re going in the wrong direction with our Hot Mustard and Soy Sauce Packet Collection since I forgot to order them this week. We’re down to six packets of Hot Mustard and no Soy Sauce. I have to remember to order more next week!
I was all excited because we got three fortune cookies this week! Then I started opening them up and the third one didn’t have a fortune inside of it. A faulty fortune cookie? Well, that really sucks panda lungs on toast!
The first fortune says: “Your sense of humor will get you through difficult times.” Fuck, last week’s fortune mentioned difficult times too. Hey Panda Express, I’ve lived through this raging 2020 Covid 19 Pandemic and I was in New York City for September 11th. Enough with the fucking difficult times, let’s start whooping it up a little bit, okay?
The second fortune reads: “‘You will touch the hearts of many.” What, am I a fucking cardiologist over here? I don’t want to touch hearts, they’re all slimy and stuff.
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And Now, Your Weekly Moment Of Panda!
Sliding pandas!
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Related Posts: MBIP Eats Panda Express: Chow Mein & Steamed White Rice and Cream Cheese Rangoon, Chicken Egg Roll & Vegetable Spring Roll.