We finished eating the McDonald’s menu last week and I’ve decided to keep these fast food marathons going. Why? For the same reason I’ve done most of the things in my life, I really don’t have a fucking clue. But it’ll be something to do.
The next menu we’ll be eating is the entire sandwich and sides menu at Arby’s. I’ve only eaten at Arby’s once in the last 27 years and it wasn’t pretty. That sandwich I had that day was completely horrible, so I need to find out if there’s anything there that’s worth eating. And to find that out, it’s time to start eating the entire Arby’s menu.
And so we begin this beefy journey. In the immortal words of Puddy: “It feels like an Arby’s night.”
Here’s the menu that I’ll be eating.
I’m not going to be eating anything off of the Kid’s Menu, because all of the food items on there are on the regular menu. I’m also skipping the Drinks and Desserts and the Limited Time menu.
So I’m basically going to eat every sandwich and every side item except for the Side Salad, because that’s pretty generic.
I thought we’d start this eating adventure with the sandwiches that started it all off for this fast food emporium, their roast beef sandwiches.
Today I’m going to sample the Roast Beef and the Beef & Cheddar sandwiches.
I think that both of these sandwiches were available on the original menu. If you want to read up on the history of Arby’s and what the name means, just click here.
Now it’s time to head to the Arby’s drive-through!
There’s three Arby’s in Peoria and I’m going to the one on Allen Road, because it’s closest to the MBIP World Headquarters.
I placed this week’s order and now through the magic of these here interwebs, we’ll be magically transported to the MBIP World Headquarters Kitchen and Tasting Area.
Well, here we go with week number one as I start eating the entire menu at Arby’s. Shit, I forgot to stock up on Rolaids and anti-diarrhea medicine!
These sauces came with the sandwiches. I’ve had the Arby’s Sauce, but I’ve never heard of “Horsey Sauce. I guess that’s their twist on Horseradish Sauce, but I squeezed a little out and it’s white and I don’t eat white condiments because it looks like you’re putting sperm on your sandwich and that’s not appetizing at all.
So into the garbage goes the Horsey Sauce. Wiiiiilburrrr!
I like the foil wrappers. They’re shiny happy wrappers!
There’s two different buns for these sandwiches. The Roast Beef has a sesame seed bun and the Beef & Cheddar has an onion bun.
Yikes, it’s just as scary as I remember!
The “roast beef” is paper thin and has a sickening light brown/grey color and it looks very scary and quite awful. The runny cheddar cheese looks like someone squeezed a giant zit on top of the Beef & Cheddar sandwich.
To quote George Takei: “Oh my!”
The First Bites
Roast Beef: The first thing you notice is the consistency of this horrid sandwich in your mouth. The meat has a dampness to it, but it’s not juicy, it’s just gross. It’s not like meat, more like napkins marinated in cow diarrhea.
In my original review, back in 2016, I noted that the sandwich was like eating a sneeze, a wet, horrible, vile tasting sneeze.
But now in this rotten year of 2020, I realize it’s more like a cough, a cough that comes from the dreaded Covid 19 Virus. Yes, this sandwich tastes like a pandemic.
In fact, they need to rename it to: “The Sandemic!”
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Beef & Cheddar: This is pretty much the same as The Sandemic, except this one has that runny, slimy cheese that makes you feel like it’s topped with pus.
So I guess this one can be called: “The Infected Sandemic.”
Excuse me, I’m going to go barf up a lung now.
The Verdict
Thumb’s down on both sandwiches. I’ve been living with this fucking pandemic for over four months now, I certainly don’t need to be eating it for lunch!
The Odds of Diarrhea Happening
As wretched as the food is going in, it’s rumored to be equally bad coming back out. So each week we’ll give the odds that diarrhea might be happening sometime after my Arby’s meal.
This week there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that I’d give it a 100% chance that diarrhea will strike at any moment. The good news is that people have stopped hoarding toilet paper.
Related Post: MBIP Eats McDonald’s - Week Number Fifteen - The McWrap Up.