The other week when I went to Northwoods Mall to count the gumball machines for the third year in a row, I had an unpleasant encounter with a mall cop on a Segway. Yes, a mall cop on a Segway, let’s just get this comparison over with right now, shall we?
Anyway, I was taking a picture of a pretzel shop and he gingerly rolled over on his Segway and yelled at me to stop taking pictures. I told him it was for this blog and he told me you can’t take pictures in the mall and that I would have to delete the picture. I told him that was crazy, the mall’s a public place and there was no way I was deleting my photos. We went back and forth and then he rolled away and was talking to someone on his radio that’s attached to his shirt.
I went an ordered a pretzel (it was delicious by the way) and a nice guy named Sam came up and said he was a fan of MBIP and wondered if I’d take a “selfie” with him. Well, I was honored to do that and then the mall cop started screaming about no pictures again. By now another mall cop was there and I thanked Sam and walked away because I had to go to work and didn’t want these mall cops making me late.
The next day I was pissed I didn’t get a picture of the mall cop on his Segway and I’ve obsessed over it ever since. It's like a project I didn't complete and that really bugs the ever-loving shit out of me. So today, I’m hoping to get that shot. Let’s go to the MBIP Mobile and make tracks to the Northwoods Mall in search of the elusive and mysterious mall cop. I feel just like Marlin Perkins over here!
Okay, here we are at the mall and it is colder than shit out here. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this and excuse me if I have, but I think it’s a point that I need to make right here and now: I fucking HATE winter!
Let’s get inside and begin our search in this Wild Kingdom of a mall.
Not much wildlife in here today. This could be quite the challenging hunt to get the Mall Cop on the Segway photo that I so badly desire.
Wow, check this out, there’s a new gumball display that wasn’t here the other week. I have to be strong and just walk away from this display though, we can do a recount next year. Today we need to focus on the all important and elusive Segway photo!
It’s empty over here, we must keep moving along, being ever vigil and sharp-eyed for the mysterious and elusive Northwoods Mall Cop!
Action up ahead, but it’s a false alarm, it looks kind of like Paul Simon from the cover of his first album. I think he’s off to go visit Julio down by the schoolyard.
Let’s move up to the second level, maybe there’s more action up there...
I see people, but no Segway movement, let’s go and see what’s going on down there.
There’s just a few people in the food court. Honestly, I don’t know why this mall even needs security people, there’s never enough people in here to even cause a problem!
Holy shitballs, I just looked down and there he is, the elusive and mysterious Northwoods Mall Cop! We’ve got an official sighting!
And his Segway is right next to him. I think we’ll stay up here and observe him until he gets rolling on it and then we’ll run down and get the shot that I’ve been dreaming of! How exciting is this? Well, just play along, okay?
It’s now been ten long minutes and the clown...er...I mean the elusive and mysterious Mall Cop hasn’t moved. Maybe I should phone in a bomb threat to get him rolling...JUST KIDDING! Oh, Christ, now I’m probably going to end up in Guantanamo Bay! Let’s just move along!
Wow, this guy is not going anywhere and I can’t stand around here much longer. Looks like I’m going to have to lure our prey out from his comfortable habitat.
It’s down to the lower level we go...
Okay, I’m a few feet in front of him and I started taking pictures in hopes he’d hop on his Segway and I’d get the shot I want, but no! He’s just screaming at me, but he’s staying put. Guess we’re going to have to approach him on his own turf.
We were having the same conversation as last week, he’s yelling at me and telling me I can’t take pictures and I’m telling him he’s full of shit. Obviously he’s not getting on his Segway, so I took this shot of him. Wow, he’s more camera shy than Sean Penn!
I like this one, but he’s not on his Segway. We may have to come back for that one, so stay tuned. Now he’s calling for backup, so I think it’s time to exit, stage left!
On the way out I got Skittles! They’re a delicious and tasty candy treat! We’ll see you all tomorrow!
Related Posts: The Third Annual Counting Of The Gumball Machines at Northwoods Mall!, 68 Gumball Machines At Northwoods Mall and A Trip To The Northwoods Mall To Count The Gumball Machines and Sit On The Easter Bunny’s Lap (It’s A Tough Job, But Someone Has To Do it!)
Surprise link, click on it...I dare you!
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Bonus Art By Jaws The Cabbie!
Jaws the Cabbie sent in this bonus art for today, entitled, “Marty Always Gets His Man!” Ha! Thanks, Jaws!
