Before I begin this post, let me just share this thought with all of you: Babies and children are complete and utter assholes.
You may think that’s being a little harsh, but let’s look at the big picture here: Babies and children shit and piss in their pants, they cry, they whine, they yell and these little fuckers expect everything handed to them on a silver platter. Toys, games, clothes (that they shit and piss in), candy, they want all that shit, yet they don’t pay one thin fucking dime for any of it.
Fuck all that, I say, let’s put these little assholes to work. If I ran the country, I’d make all children from the age of 4-years-old on work. Let them clean floors, empty garbage, work the fast food windows and on and on.
“But what about school?” You’re probably saying now.
I’m not saying that they can’t go to school, but make these freeloading assholes pay for it.
You want to go to kindergarten, little Billy? Well, a year of kindergarten is going to cost you 500 bucks, so start looking for a job you lazy little piece of shit. And after Kindergarten, get ready for more work, little Billy, because First Grade is a thousand bucks…asshole.
Anyway, I’m going off on this rant about babies and children because the day has finally arrived…I swore I’d try and eat all the pizza in Peoria, so that means I have to go to a place that cater’s to these pint-sized assholes and that place can only be…Chuck E. Cheese.
Grab a barf bag and let’s get over there and get this the fuck over!
Here we are at Chuck E. Cheese at Westlake Shopping Center. As much as I don’t want to go inside, this is something we have to do, so let’s enter those doors into what I fear will be a nightmare of asshole children and the parents who conceived them.
There’s the rat who’s the mascot of this fucking place reminding us that they use digital surveillance cameras in here. Big fucking deal.
You order up at the counter and then they give you one of these digital thingys that goes off when your order is ready.
I decided to sit at one of the booths over here and there’s my view from where I sit.
There’s sickening music blaring, TV screens with the giant rat mascot dancing and asshole kids screaming and yelling.
It’s basically the seventh ring of hell on earth and I can’t wait to eat my pizza and get the fuck out of here.
This is a true living nightmare.
The noise from the machines and the kids screaming and yelling is deafening and the only thing I’m grateful for is that I’m deaf in my left ear.
What the fuck is a salad bar doing in here?
Okay, thankfully our pizza dinner is served. I started off with an order of the sweet and spicy chili wings.
There’s no spice in these things, it’s all sweet like sugar-covered chicken wings. Pretty fucking sickening, but I would expect no less in this hellish dome of pre-teen rottenence.
I got a personal cheese pizza and it looks absolutely horrific.
The crust is soft and doughy and like the wings, it’s got a sweet after-taste like the sauce has been dosed with an overload of sugar to satisfy these little candy-craving assholes in here.
But I’m saving the real horrifying fact for last and that fact is…
The price you pay to sit in a room filled with screaming little assholes eating sweet pizza while pouring their parents money into stupid games.
I got six chicken wings, a tiny personal cheese pizza and a glass of iced tea and it was $30.70! Unbelievable and what a fucking ripoff!
This place is advertised as a kiddie pizza parlor, but what it really is, is a 3-D living ad for birth control. I always say that I am not only in favor of abortion, I believe you should have the ability to abort children up to the age of 16-years-old and this place fully backs that thought up.
Fuck you, you goddamned fucking rat!
Eat seven pounds of rat poison and die you sickening asshole rodent.
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Pizza Rating
0.0.
The pizza here is horrible, it’s high-priced and the mascot is a giant fucking rat.
Fuck Chuck E. Cheese. Fuck it all to hell and back again.
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Pizza Rating List
Agatucci’s: 9.6
Weaver’s Fresh Food & Drink: 9.6
Rizzi’s Italian Restaurant: 9.6
Oliver’s Pizza & Pub North: 9.6
Peoria Pizza Works: 9.5
Slice: 9.4
Leonardo’s Pizza: 9.3
Crusens On War Memorai: 9.3
The Red Barn (Butch’s Pizza): 9.2
Fat Jack’s: 8.7
Castle’s Patio Inn: 8.2
Knuckles Pizza: 8.2
460° Pizza: 8.1
The Pour House: 8.1
Double A’s • Pizza • Sports Bar & Grill: 7.9
Rhythm Kitchen And Music Cafe: 7.8
Bullpen Bar & Grill: 7.4
Hoop’s Pub & Pizza: 7.4
The Fieldhouse Bar & Grill: 7.3
Monical’s: 7.3
Mr. Dough: 7.3
Old Chicago Pizza & Taproom: 7.1
The Owl’s Nest: 6.9
Brienzo’s Wood Fired Pizza: 6.9
Papa John’s: 6.7
HyVee Food Court: 6.6
Casey’s General Store (Off Of Route 91): 5.9
Pizza Hut: 5.8
Bacci Pizzeria: 5.4
Domino’s: 5.2
Huck’s: 4.9
Casey’s General Store (On Farmington Road): 3.3
Circle K: 0.1
Chuck E. Cheese: 0.0
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I’m not even going to put the address because trust me, you don’t want to go here.
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Related Posts: Slices Of Peoria: Castle’s Patio Inn, Crusens On War Memorial, Leonardo’s Pizza, Bacci Pizzeria, Casey’s General Store: Part II, The Bullpen Bar & Grill, Rhythm Kitchen, Circle K, Oliver’s Pizza and Pub North, Double A’s • Pizza • Sports Bar & Grill, Rizzi’s, The Red Barn, Hucks, The Pour House, Mr. Dough, The Owl’s Nest, Slice @ WeaverRidge, Brienzo’s Wood-Fired Pizza, 460° Pizza, HyVee Food Court, Domino’s, The Fieldhouse Bar & Grill, Casey’s General Store, Knuckles Pizza, Papa John’s, Weaver’s Fresh Food & Drink, Old Chicago Pizza & Taproom, Pizza Hut, Peoria Pizza Works, Monicals, Fat Jack’s Pizza, Hoops Pub & Pizza and Agatucci’s.