Two weeks ago I started a story about having chest pains right around the time of the very first Marty Monologues show back in that wonderful pre-pandemic year of 2017. If you missed that post, shame on you for not reading my blog every day! But I’m going to be a nice guy and put up a link for you to go read it right here.
Okay, now that you’re caught up, let’s start part II already in progress, just scroll on down!
(Almost) Sheer Heart Attack - Part II
So the next morning I got up drove to WMBD TV studio for my segment on Good Day Central Illinois. I parked the car and was walking up to the studio and all of a sudden the pain in the chest hits me again. I walked over to a car, leaned on it and took deep breaths till it went away. I didn’t feel good about this at all.
I did my segment and went home and called my doctor. She made an appointment for a stress test for me that afternoon at St. Francis/OSF hospital. I went and took the stress test which was basically walking on a treadmill at various speeds. We had to stop twice because I got chest pains while doing it.
The next day I went to my doctor’s office to go over the results of the test. I was nervous about this and while walking to her office, I got hit with more chest pains and had to stop and breathe deeply till they went away. I was starting to get a little freaked out about this.
I made it to the office and saw my doctor. She told me I had passed the stress test and I told her I was still having the chest pains. I’ve had anxiety issues in the past and she asked if I thought that maybe it was related to my anxiety problems.
“No,” I told her, “it’s nothing like an anxiety attack.”
She told me she wanted me to see a cardiologist and she made an appointment for me for the following Tuesday. This was the same week that the first Marty Monologues show was happening. I was doing the show that Sunday and had been rehearsing it like crazy and I was terrified about it. I had never done anything like this and there was going to be a whole theatre full of people there. And now I had to go talk to a cardiologist about a possible heart problem. When it rains it pours!
Luckily my refrigerator was filled with beer or I wouldn’t have slept at all.
Tuesday came and I went to the cardiologist and described my chest pain to him. I told him it was a dull pain aching pain that started in the upper center of my chest and then moved up to my neck and down my left arm somewhat.
Then I told him my family’s history of heart problems. Both of my grandfathers died of heart attacks, my uncle has had a heart attack, my dad had a heart attack followed by a quintuple bypass operation, my brother Tom had a quadruple bypass operation and my brother Jim died from a massive heart attack in 2006.
I just remember the doctors eyes widening as I told him this and he said, “We need to schedule you for an a coronary angiogram right away. That’s the gold standard test for heart problems and to see if you have any clogged arteries. Clogged arteries don’t alway show up on EKG’s or stress tests and from what you’re telling me, this is what we need to check.”
He then went to his computer punched some keys on the keyboard and then said, “Oh great, I can get you in for a test this Thursday. They only do so many of these a day, so I’ll schedule you in. The test is at nine in the morning, so you’ll have results by or before noon.”
As I said earlier, the Marty Monologues show was that Sunday. I knew that if I got bad news I’d have to cancel the show and I also knew that if I didn’t do it that Sunday, I may never do it at all.
I had worked really hard on putting it together, I reserved the Apollo Theatre, local musicians Sarah Marie Dillard and Brandon Mooberry were doing live music to open and close the show and DJ juanGoblin was going to be spinning tunes before and during the show. Plus a lot of people had bought tickets, no way was I cancelling the show.
“I can’t do it this week, doctor, can you schedule it for next week?” I asked while he was punching his keyboard.
He turned and looked concerned and said, “Oh no, from what you told me, you need to do this, this week. I’m very concerned that you may have some heart problems happening and we need to address that right now.”
“Well, the problem is, I just can’t do it this week and I don’t want to talk anymore about it,” I shot back.
Now the doctor kind of got angry.
“If it’s work, I can write you a note, we really need to look into this right now,” he told me.
Now I started getting kind of pissed off.
“It’s not work and I don’t want to get into it, but I can’t do it this week,” I fired back at the good doctor.
“I’m telling you, we need to schedule this appointment this week,” he said in demanding tones.
I don’t like people telling me what to do and now I got really pissed off.
“I don’t give a shit, I’ve told you I can’t do it this week and you don’t seem top be listening to me at all. Now if you won’t schedule me for next week then I’m just going to leave and if I die then it’ll be all your fault,” I said angrily and got up out of my chair.
The doctor looked at me like I was a crazy person. Believe me, I know this look!
“Okay, settle down and please sit back down. I’ll see what they have next week,” he told me in strained tones while shaking his head back and forth.
I proceeded to sit back down in the chair. All of a sudden the situation kind of amused me and I had to stifle laughing out loud.
He started punching his keyboard again and said, “Okay, I can get you in a week from Thursday at nine in the morning. Will that work for you?
“That’s perfect,” I told him. “I”m sorry for bing a pain in the ass, I just have some things going on this week that makes it impossible for me to do it.”
The doctor shook his head and half-smiled at me and said, “Well you do win the prize for the most stubborn patient I’ve ever encountered. Plus I don’t think I’ve ever had a patient threaten me with dying on my clock,” he said while smiling at me.
“Sorry about that, sometimes I say stuff I wish I wouldn’t have said, I didn’t really mean that,” I replied in apologetic tones.
He waved his hand at me and said, “It’s okay, apology accepted.”
“But you need to listen to me. Until next Thursday, take it easy, don’t lift anything over ten pounds, don’t do anything strenuous and if you have chest pains, stop, sit down and take deep breaths. If the pain lasts longer than five minutes, call 911 and go to the emergency room.”
Then he hit me with this statement, which to me was kind of comical.
“Above all, try and avoid any kind of a stressful situation this week.”
Ha! Little did he know that I was heading into what would be one of the most stressful times of my life. We’ve all heard of performers dying on stage, I just hoped it wouldn’t be a literal thing with me!
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Stay tuned for part III and the ending of this hearty Marty tale next Thursday! Did I die on stage…has a body double been doing this blog and living my life since 2017? Find out next week!
Artwork & Design by Chelsie Tamms of Lettering Works.
Related Post: Thursday Minute Monologues: (Almost) Sheer Heart Attack - Part I.