I hardly ever eat fast food. I pretty much stopped when I moved to New York in 1993 because there’s just so many choices for a quick bite in that city other than bland and generic fast food. Once in a blue moon I’d run into a fast food place and get a cheeseburger or something if I was in a hurry and after eating it, I’d always swear I’d never return and I rarely did. Well, I thought it might be a quick and somewhat educational thing to sample a different fast food item every Friday and then post about it. I’ve had all the standard McDonald’s sandwiches through the years, but the one thing I’ve never ordered from their menu is the Filet-O-Fish sandwich. So I thought that would be a great place to start this new Friday series!
Fast Facts
Calories: 410 • Total Fat: 20g • Total Carbs: 39g • Protein: 18g • Sodium: 660mg • Cholestrol 50mg • Cost: $4.32
How Fast Is It Really?
I ordered it at the drive-through at 4:25pm and the bag was in the MBIP Mobile at 4:27pm. Pretty fast, but I bet the sandwich wasn’t made to order, probably sitting under a heat lamp for hours. We’ll see when we get back to the MBIP World Headquarters Kitchen/Taste-Testing Lab.
The Myth
This is how the Filet-O-Fish is pictured on the McDonald’s website.
The Reality
This is the Filet-O-Fish I got from McDonald’s. Notice how it’s awkwardly put together. I actually tried to center it a little, but the fish is anchored to a piece of cheese on the bottom bun and wouldn’t move. The fish filet looks like a giant square scab and I guess that’s tarter sauce leaking out of the sandwich but it kind of looks like this fishy sandwich is having a wet dream. Not a very appetizing start to this week’s fast food entree!
Under The Bun
Oh my! The scabby square is covered with a slathering of a white, wet substance that looks like pickled whale sperm. The cheese, which is on the bottom of the sandwich is absolutely pathetic. Hey McDonald’s, would it kill you to use a whole slice of cheese instead of this Brazilian landing strip styled piece of cheese? Sheesh!
The First Bite and the Taste
Yikes, the consistency of this sandwich is literally frightening. My fear of the sandwich looking like a scab has come true in my mouth as it feels like you’re biting into a three day old wound. The inside of the filet feels like you're chewing on a birth control sponge and it tastes like a combination of a the bottom of an aquarium that hasn't been cleaned for 57 weeks and the potted plant that Harvey Weinstein jerked off onto. One bite was enough for me and then it went straight into the trash.
Fast Food Rating (Four is the worst, one is the best)
Four fingers down the throat. The only redeeming thing about this god-awful, McHorrible sandwich is that if you accidentally swallow poison it’s a guaranteed vomit-inducing tool.
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