Two things I try to avoid on this blog are politics and religion. These are sensitive topics and no one is right or wrong on any kind of political or religious belief they have. It’s all gray areas and I just stay away from stuff like that much in the way I avoid the plague on a rainy Tuesday afternoon.
Believe in whatever gets you through the night and then just shut the fuck up about it and be grateful for another day above the dirt.
However, since I’ve moved back to Peoria, I’ve noticed one thing in my travels while driving around the city: The Jesus Fish. I never used to see these things when I was driving around town here 20 years ago. But now I see them a lot on the back bumpers of cars and they always make me flash back to this Seinfeld episode, where we learn that Puddy is a Christian...not that there’s anything wrong with that.
My question is this: What does The Jesus Fish symbolize? I always assumed it was from when Jesus was at a party or wedding or however that story goes and multiplied a few fish into a bunch of big heaping mounds of fish. And while I’m speaking about that Jesus story, I’ve always had a problem with that fish tale. While it’s cool that Jesus had the power to do something like that, I think he could've done a little better in the miracle department with that one. Instead of just multiplying fish, would it have been that much more of a stretch to conjure up a steak and baked potato dinner for everyone? And maybe throw in some cheesecake at the end of the meal? I mean you are the Son of God, so show a little style and pizazz with your miracles. Work the room! Jesus Christ!
Anyway, lately I’ve heard that the whole fish miracle thing has nothing to do with The Jesus Fish. Someone told me the fish was a symbol Christians used back in the day so they wouldn’t get persecuted. I was told that you’d hang a fish sign from your door and then people knew you were a Christian and would knock on your door to share beliefs and prayers.
I don’t know about that, I’d be afraid to hang a Jesus Fish from my door for fear that all of a sudden you’ll get people thinking your apartment is a Long John Silver’s and the next thing you know is people are knocking on your door asking for the shrimp and fish platter to go.
Lagron-Miller is Peoria’s oldest religious supply house and they have The Jesus Fish incorporated into their logo, so I thought we’d go there today, take a look around and see if they can explain the origins of The Jesus Fish. Okay, pick up your mat and let’s go.
I was hoping to see a Jesus Fish on the bumper of a car on our way over to Lagron-Miller, which is located on Sterling Avenue, across from the Northwoods Mall, but no such luck.
Okay, here we are, Lagron-Miller. Check out The Jesus Fish in the logo for their store. They were originally located on Main Street and have been in business here in Peoria since 1925. I wonder if they had The Jesus Fish back then?
Let's go in and find out.
Okay, the welcoming reception in Lagron-Miller was a little chilly. I told the woman working behind the counter that I was doing a blog on The Jesus Fish and she just gave me a nervous look. I told her about MBIP and got more nervous looks and when I asked to take photos inside, she said I'd have to get permission from the owner and he wasn't there. i asked when he'd be back and she told me she wasn't sure. It was really uncomfortable in there, so I asked where they sold The Jesus Fish, she led me to this display over here and I took one photo, even though I wasn't supposed to. Bless me Father for I have sinned...it's been about 41 years since my last confession...
I went ahead and bought my own personal Jesus Fish and now I'm trying to figure out where to put it.
I thought about sticking it on my refrigerator, but it wouldn't really fit in with the other stuff on there.
Next I thought about putting it on my oven and then making some fishsticks in honor of the whole event...but then I remembered that I hate fishsticks. And then it hit me, I know the perfect place to put my own personal Jesus Fish...
I'll put it on my old friend, Mr. Ice Machine located in the basement of my apartment building. It's been a while since we last visited with him. How are you doing, Mr. Ice Machine?
Fuck you asshole, I was just getting ready to take a nap. Why don't you go bug the washers and dryers in the laundry room with your fucking nonsense?
Why do you always have to be so angry with me? I've brought you a present after all.
Oh fuck, what did you get me, one of your stupid little fucking Gumby toys? I don't need your charity asshole. Leave me the fuck alone.
Well, you really don't have much of a say in the issue, Mr. Ice Machine. Since you don't have any arms, you really can't stop me. I think I'll stick The Jesus Fish right here.
You fucking dick! I'm an atheist, take that motherfucking Jesus Fish off of me!
Yeah, well, you also shit out ice cubes for a living, Mr. Ice Machine. The Jesus Fish stays put, as Tom Petty once sang, it's good to be King. Thank you Jesus and we'll see you all tomorrow.
Lagron-Miller
4517 N Sterling Avenue
Peoria
309-681-9171
Further Reading: Peoria Illinoisian, CI Proud and facecrack.
