I don’t go to the Northwoods Mall much because...well, because it’s a mall and there’s not many local business options to shop at, mainly all chain stores there. But I heard that someone from the North Pole has recently landed there, so I thought I’d drop in, take a look around and see if I can find this visitor who only comes around at this magical time of year and you’re invited to come along too!
Uh, oh, I’ve just parked and before we begin this journey there’s something we must do...
Having seen this license plate we have to have our own personal MBIP Mike Miller Minute, are you ready? Okay, here we go!
Okay, we've played by the rules and had our own personal Mike Miller Minute and we can now safely move along.
Check it out: “Just Married” and they’re spending their honeymoon at the Northwoods Mall. Attention JCPenney: Clean up in the mattress aisle!
Alright, we’ve made it out of the parking lot so let’s...
Go through the doors and see what’s going on inside of Northwoods Mall today.
Check it out, there’s a new gumball island over here, I need to come back here and do a recount of them!
Here’s some calendars out on display, let’s take a look...
365 Kittens in a Year... hmm...maybe I should put out a calendar!
Lids...did they legalize marijuana in Illinois all of a sudden? Break out the Twinkies and let's have a celebration!
So nice to see that Crazy 8 took his Breaking Bad money and invested it in a store here in Peoria.
Music, movies...hey, f.y.e., here’s a little f.y.i. for you: That shit is all free on the internet!
Extra Festive Hours...the mall is open Thanksgiving night and the next day at six in the morning. Extra festive, indeed...unless of course you work there. Then you're screwed, blued and turkey tattooed. I wonder if anyone in the management of Simon who owns the mall is working Thanksgiving evening? I think the answer to that question can be found in this song.
Macy’s is now hiring, great news if you have nowhere to go for the Thanksgiving holiday! (And please note the unintentional obligatory mirror shot!)
Okay, I think I see what we’ve come for right down here...
There's Christmas trees and I'm guessing the guy we're looking for is just around the bend...
There he is, old St. Nick himself, Santa Claus!
And this ain’t no substitute department store Santa, it’s the real thing, check out the beard! Okay, time to tell Santa what I hope to get this year for Christmas...
I asked for a box of Percodan, an aquarium filled with vodka and goldfish, three and a half hookers and Laurie Partridge in a pear tree. I tried to bribe him with a 16 ounce can of Budweiser, but Santa just said no. He said he prefers milk and cookies. Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Happy holidays from MBIP and Santa and remember: Ho’s...they come in three’s this time of year! Ho, ho, ho! We’ll see you all tomorrow!
Related posts: 68 Gumball Machines At Northwoods Mall, A Trip To The Northwoods Mall To Count The Gumball Machines and Sit On The Easter Bunny’s Lap (It’s A Tough Job, But Someone Has To Do it!) and Some Rules For Your Consideration While Walking Around At The Northwoods Mall.
Surprise link, click on it...I dare you!
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Bonus Christmas Card From Jaws the Cabbie
Jaws the Cabbie sent in an early Christmas card to go with today’s holiday post. Ho, ho, ho and thanks, Jaws!
